What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 05:21
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She found it foreign!.
So, i spoilt her more .
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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She wouldn,t have been !
I waited trembling.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
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I was very sick at this time too.
He knew the spot.
I couldn’t, believe it.
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I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Can I use the LEG PRESS to build muscle?
She was in good health!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Who then, do I blame.?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why would a spouse cheat if the marriage is good?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was scared of men, in general
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I have no regrets .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
What are 10 interesting facts about you?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was seconnd youngest,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Can I know a love story of a medical student?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I said to her
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And i lived it daily.
I will be 64.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
When she asked me how she looked .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I could never make a relationship work though!
I think the readers, may guess!
I never cut or harmed myself..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is soul school!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
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I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But it wasn’t much.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
It was going to be , some day.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Was to survive, this bastard.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But, we were locked up after school.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Comes on , in middle age.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Put me off passion for life!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So whats the point in blame.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We were not on the streets..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One cannot live in the past .
She married twice! .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What did i know ?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We all went to grammer schools
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was 9 years of age.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im still living with it.
She loved him until the end.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But ive been too sick for many years..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
All the time i was locked up.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I write beautiful poetry .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My life is so biszare .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My family never makes their pension either.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Ive learnt so much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Would this be the day?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.